Today, I am tired.


Today, I am tired. Tired of retreats for freelancers and entrepreneurs being promoted on my Facebook feed. I don’t need any more retreats.  Tired of self improvement gurus telling me what I can do to improve my life. Tired of pages promoting a more exciting and more fulfilling life (I’m noticing a trend here, and listen up readers, I will clean up my Facebook feed).

What happens when life isn’t exciting? When the shit hits the fan so to speak? When a family member falls ill? Are you really going to keep to your morning routine? Or when you lose your job? Will you continue to buy that $4.00 latte? Or when your child is born and it’s not all sunshine and roses, but exhaustion and exhaustion, layered on top of exhaustion? What happens then, coaches? How do you get to that perfect life when you can’t even manage to get through each day?

I’m also tired of Colin waking up in the middle of the night and not wanting to go back to sleep. I’m tired of Evan and I being tired and just wanting to sleep (hello, new parenthood. you suck). Tired of coordinating shit between my babysitter, daycare, and my cleaner, of providing clarifications for shit that is super obvious. (Dumbfuck, I paid you more than a month ago. If you can’t keep your records clean, don’t come and harass me. And if you do, I will give you attitude.)

I’m also tired of my first world problems. (Like this morning, the shower water went cold and I was like: WTF why is the water going cold? And then my brain told me to STFU and be grateful for the fact that I have water and a shower to use.every.single.morning). I’m tired of superficial conversations that don’t matter. Of assumptions. Of Expectations.

10 Things I’m loving about Colin Right Now

Colin turned one on Wednesday, and in the spirit of remembering this time, these are some of the things that I’m loving about him right now.

1. His hands – Be still my heart. When he gets excited about something that’s about to happen or is antsy for a bottle, he rubs his hands together, and holds them, fingers wiggling, for patience or… for something. When he wants bread, or carrot sticks, or to be picked up, he sticks out his hands in the air saying “give me, give me” or “pick me up.”

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2. He is a fan of repetition. So if you come up with a game that he loves (having him throw himself off the bed into your arms), he’s going to want to do it 100 million times. I warned you!

3. He is obsessed with doors. Closing them. Opening them. Closing Them. Opening them. We’ve had to install a few door stoppers to insure that no fingers get hurt.

4. He loves to crawl and walk holding objects. I don’t know if this is a security thing….If you try to take one from him, all hell will break loose.

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5. He loves rice. And if he sees it’s for dinner and we’re not fast enough at preparing it, he’ll burst into tears. At first I was hesitant to introduce him to rice, but then I thought….He’s a growing boy, there’s nothing wrong with supplementing his diet with a decent carb.

6. He loves to cuddle into his Dad and there’s nothing that makes my heart beat faster than seeing this. It’s so important for me for their relationship to be solid and to be strong, that when he wants his poppa, I get out-of-the-way, fast.

7. His Poppa is much more fun at bath time than I am. He makes noises with airplanes, helicopters, and cars, and now Colin, when he’s holding a toy, tries to emulate his father by making car noises. It is adorable.

8. He loves placing toys into other toys, or rice granules in his blue cup.

9. He’s now into testing his strength, crunching Cheerios or carrot sticks into little pieces, and throwing them on the floor.

10. When he knows he’s not supposed to do something, he looks at me to gauge my reaction and then decides to go on and do it anyways (like touch these champagne bottles).

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