I Struggle With Motherhood When

are-you-lonely-mama

I struggle with motherhood when I feel lonely and yet I’m absolutely never alone, not even when using the bathroom.

I struggle with motherhood when I am so tired I just want to sleep past 5:30 a.m, and most days I can’t, because my son is awake and demanding attention. Now.

I struggle with motherhood when everyone expects me to be happy and grateful 24/7 because my son is handsome and happy and healthy and shouldn’t that just be enough?

I struggle with motherhood when I just want to talk about the darkness surrounding motherhood and whomever I’m talking to just changes the subject because talking about the darkness isn’t done. I am a mother, after all, to a happy and healthy boy; shouldn’t that just be enough?

I struggle with motherhood when nobody tells me that it’s okay to feel bad and that I don’t need fixing.

I struggle with motherhood when I’m pregnant with my second child and I’m so tired that I give my first child my iPhone so I can lay on the couch for a few minutes with my eyes closed.

I struggle with motherhood when childless friends complain about boyfriends and work problems that just seem so trite and irrelevant.

I struggle with motherhood when my boss pretends to understand what it’s like to be a working mother, but doesn’t really, because his wife stayed at home with the kids. And he really just wants me to answer his email now.

I struggle with motherhood when I don’t feel like smiling at my son, but I do anyways, because I feel like shit if I’m not constantly trying.

I struggle with motherhood when my husband goes out occasionally, and urges me to do so as well, but the thought of meeting up with my childless friends or my mother friends just seems like a ginormous task that’s too difficult to follow through with.

I struggle with motherhood when I know I should socialize more, but I don’t even have time to spend by myself, so it constantly feels like I’m shortchanging absolutely everyone, but most of all, myself.

I struggle with motherhood when I carry the guilt of the working mother, like a cross on my shoulders, and don’t take too much time for myself on the weekends because the hours, the days, the weeks, the years are passing me by and one day I’ll look back and believe I didn’t enjoy my child enough when he wanted nothing but me.

I struggle with motherhood when I believe that family should help out more than they currently are.

I struggle with motherhood when I feel like I don’t have enough energy in my pie for the rest of my family.

I struggle with motherhood when I believe that I’m just not doing enough.

I struggle with motherhood when people ask me if I’m pregnant when in fact I just don’t have time to exercise now that I have a baby to take care of.

But most of all, I struggle with motherhood when I feel lonely, and yet I’m absolutely never alone, not even when using the bathroom.

(Photo Credit: Kristen La Valley)

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2 thoughts on “I Struggle With Motherhood When

    1. carolinabakernorko

      Thank you 🙂 Yesterday was a very tough day for me for a few hours, but today is better and I guess that’s all we can ever hope for. Many hugs back ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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