On Starting

To be honest, starting anything new, different, is so difficult for me. I face so much resistance from my mind, and most of it is justified… I work full-time, I have a two-year old son, I’m married.

My internal conversations most of the time go something like this:

*

Me: I want to exercise….Let’s go to the gym.

Mind: GYM?! But your Boss never leaves his desk and you leave early to pick Colin up and he likes facetime, so def a big NO NO.

Me: What about fifteen minutes?

Mind: What’s fifteen minutes going to do for you?!?! NOTHING. 

*

Me: I want to start writing again

Mind: LOL. LOL. LOL. Writing?! You don’t have the time you petulant fool, stick with the basics. 

Me: What if I make the time?

Mind: And what – Never see the light of day again?! Just don’t bother. 

Change something in the above variations and you have what I call My Resistance, or own personal war.

My life IS pretty full and if I work hard enough, I can convince myself pretty effectively, that I don’t have the energy or the bandwidth to take anything else on.

But.

Over the last few weeks, having a full enough life hasn’t felt like a good enough reason to not start. I’ve felt antsy and the need to shake things up, and so I have. I’ve started blogging again, and writing ,and I signed up for a course and these goals scare me, but I feel so happy that I’m doing something for myself.

I don’t mind if my writing isn’t good. Just getting something on paper feels like a huge accomplishment. I don’t mind if I struggle through my coursework, learning something new sounds fascinating to me. I don’t mind if my workouts aren’t expensive, at the gym, and consume hours of my time. I’m still sweating, sore the next day, and my body feels strong and healthy. And that does feel good enough for me.

(Photo from: Blog Free People)