You’re Not Good Enough

It’s a theme almost as common as water in my life.

water

It doesn’t matter how many times I realize it, my brain repackages the message and shoots it back at me like a guerrilla warfare specialist, telling me for the millionth time, YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

not good enough

At Babson college, that meant taking 17 classes in a year and a half.

I didn’t have time to think or breathe.

When I was 25 that meant working a full time job, commuting an hour and a half each way, enrolling in a master’s program, and training for a marathon.

I was out to prove that I was better than everyone else.

Except I wasn’t.

Today, I’m facing a professional transition, and I found myself plotting and planning.

How to increase my skillset by taking more courses, reading more books, until I caught myself. AGAIN.

And for right now, for this moment, I’ve had enough of this message, of this lie, of this bullshit.

Today, at 2:09 P.M in London, England, I am enough.

enough

This curly hair that needs washing, this crooked tooth, this good heart, are enough. RIGHT NOW.

photo (1)

Instead of planning to do Derek Johnson’s copywriting class so that I can get better at writing, I’ve decided to just write this out.

Such a simple, rebellious, action.

And instead of taking the Digital Marketing Specialization on Coursera, which looks cool and awesome, I’m going to focus on just writing and on looking for other freelance jobs.

Because I’m momentarily done proving myself to others.

See how I use the word momentarily?

I know I’m not done with this inner demon.

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